Thank god I’ve got through life without having to have my anus waxed.

I’ve been reading a book where the central character, desperate to be loved, is putting in a hell of a lot of effort before her dates, but going about it all in the wrong way. It’s hilariously misguided (with deeper messages about the loss of self to meet perceived male desire and expectation).

It definitely ticks some of those boxes every author hopes to share and every publisher seems to demand: things we, the reader, realise we’ve all thought before, but never said out-loud, as well as one or two moments of: ‘I’ve never thought of that before!’, or: ‘I didn’t know that was a thing!’ As with the date-ready anus waxing.

(I thought of inserting a picture here, but it doesn’t really work.)

Our protagonist goes for a bikini wax – not usually her thing. She’s crying in pain after the first strip is ripped away, reminding me of the same kind of outraged shock I felt in a similar situation before my wedding day.

Do women really get this done? Regularly?

Never again! (The hair re-growth was painfully itchy. And the one and only French manicure I’ve ever had was chipping off sluttily by the Big Day).

The scolding beautician quickly waxes her labia, which had me wincing, as she drew speckles of blood – and the whole thing was rounded off with the deft swipes of an anal wax. Yikes!

I write about gratitude a lot; after working for many years as a therapist, I’ve seen how this incredibly simple concept can answer for such an awful lot – is your glass half empty, or half full? It really does affect how we view the world, and our place in it, so noticing whether we stop to feel grateful for what we do have instead of lamenting what we feel we’re lacking plays a pivotal role in our sense of self and our relationship with the world.

So here’s something unexpected on my Gratitude List for today… I’m just so very grateful I didn’t have to go through life paying regular visits to the beautician to have my anus (or labia) waxed.

Owch.

And the book in question is The Pisces by Melissa Broder.

Posting on Substack can sometimes feel like entering a barren, hostile wasteland. If anything of this has resonated with you, I’d love you to leave a ‘like’ or even better, a comment in the space below…

Let’s open up this uncrowded niche area in the arena of gratitude! Waxing - should we? Did you consider it? Reject it? Suffer it, or consider it a method of needless torture? 🤔